There's an ancient parable about a farmer who lost his horse. And neighbors came over to say,

Oh, that's too bad. And the farmer said, Good or bad, hard to say

Days later, the horse returns and brings with it seven wild horses. And neighbors come over to say, Oh, that's so good!

And the farmer just shrugs and says, Good or bad, hard to say

The next day, the farmer's son rides one of the wild horses, is thrown off and breaks his leg

And the neighbors say, Oh, that's terrible luck. And the farmer says,

Good or bad, hard to say

Eventually, officers come knocking on people's doors, looking for men to draft for an army,

and they see the farmer's son and his leg and they pass him by. And neighbors say,

Oh, that's great luck! And the farmer says, Good or bad, hard to say

I first heard this story 20 years ago, and I have since applied it 100 times

Didn't get the job I wanted: good or bad, hard to say

Got the job I wanted: good or bad, hard to say

To me, the story is not about looking on the bright side or waiting to see how things turn out

It's about how eager we can be to label a situation, to put concrete around it by judging it

But reality is much more fluid,

and good and bad are often incomplete stories that we tell ourselves

The parable has been my warning that by gripping tightly to the story of good or bad, I close down my ability to truly see a situation

I learn more when I proceed and loosen my grip and proceed openly with curiosity and wonder

But seven years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I completely forgot this lesson

I believed I knew wholeheartedly what was good

When it came to having kids, I thought that good was some version of a superbaby,

some ultrahealthy human who possessed not a single flaw and would practically wear a cape flying into her superhero future

I took DHA pills to ensure that my baby had a super-high-functioning, supersmart brain,

and I ate mostly organic food, and I trained for a medication-free labor, and I did many other things because I thought

these things would help me make not just a good baby, but the best baby possible